I was thinking about something I wrote last week, about wanting to be untethered. I meant the ability to do whatever I pleased without anyone’s help. I still want that, but maybe I do want to be “tethered”.
The people in my life know that I am independent; that even though my life is a rollercoaster, I’m not scared and I’m down for the ride. When I make sudden choices, like moving to a new city, they support me. They’ll miss me, and they love me-but they understand, and know I feel the same.
I wonder what it’d be like to have people, or organizations, or employment, or whatever, that really wouldn’t want me to go. That would say things like, “what will we/I do without you”?
Am I suited for that life? I had this English teacher in high school who I loved, he had brilliant stories about everything, and he just sparkled. He’d be all, “when I was a sheep farmer” or, “when I was working in Brazil”, or “when I was Trappist Monk”…
I remember thinking that I wanted that. To have fifty gazillion lives, and know that when I settled down it wasn’t because I was settling.
I’ve got some pretty random and great stories. When I worked in a giant lemon at a fair, and the funhouse shenanigans that ensued after closing. When I was flown to NYC to write an article for Teen Vogue even though I don’t care about clothes. When I was paid to have my car wrapped in a Troll Doll ad that said, “get lucky” above a little naked troll booty. When I did time in jail and made friends with a bunch of felons.
I want more. I want better ones. When I went to Bali for Awesomeness Fest and had a wildly transformative, life changing experience. When I finally met a man who really meshed with me in all of the ways I want. When I wrote a blog that no one was reading and it turned into a wildly successful book…
Perhaps I can’t find a life that really sticks until I do all of the things that will make me feel like I am the person I want to become. Or at least that I’ve found a path there that seems chartable, instead of blinding bushwacking around like a maniac. I’m always all, “this feels like it might maybe could be the right way!”. Probably not a good time to tether, as it were.
Eh. C’est la vie. They say there is no wrong way, and that all of these seeming missteps and failures are crucial to evolving. I can’t wait to look around and smile wisely with the perspective that (my definition of) success will bring, and to think to myself “time to tether this shit down”.