Observing an emotional rollercoaster.

Oh god.  Last night I worked myself up into such a self-involved rejected-feeling frenzy.  My girlfriend who’s letting me stay in her house and a guy I’ve been dating were ignoring my attempts at contacting them.  I was passionately feeling rebuffed.

It was a celebration and a tragedy, respectively, neither having anything to do with me.  My roomies are engaged!  His childhood friend overdosed and died.

Gah.

I’m at such a loss.  On one hand I’m such a mushy, sappy, cheerleader for love and I want to do anything I can to make this special time even more special for my friends (not living in their office would probably be nice, but you know, things I can do right now).  On the other hand, this amazing man I met a week ago is just had this awful thing happen and I want to make him feel better and can’t do anything.  It’s like this severe emotional rollercoaster—-that I’m not actually on.

Gah.

I just, I don’t know.  I’m feeling a self-awareness that perhaps I’ve been lacking with everything happening, and an embarrassment for being so self-involved.  And then embarrassed for being so self-involved again.  Here I am, just thinking about me more

Gah.

Just, gah.

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