Oh god. Last night I worked myself up into such a self-involved rejected-feeling frenzy. My girlfriend who’s letting me stay in her house and a guy I’ve been dating were ignoring my attempts at contacting them. I was passionately feeling rebuffed.
It was a celebration and a tragedy, respectively, neither having anything to do with me. My roomies are engaged! His childhood friend overdosed and died.
I’m at such a loss. On one hand I’m such a mushy, sappy, cheerleader for love and I want to do anything I can to make this special time even more special for my friends (not living in their office would probably be nice, but you know, things I can do right now). On the other hand, this amazing man I met a week ago is just had this awful thing happen and I want to make him feel better and can’t do anything. It’s like this severe emotional rollercoaster—-that I’m not actually on.
I just, I don’t know. I’m feeling a self-awareness that perhaps I’ve been lacking with everything happening, and an embarrassment for being so self-involved. And then embarrassed for being so self-involved again. Here I am, just thinking about me more…