Realizations: I don’t want adventure, I want choice.

I’m working on manifesting something truly shocking for me….a desk job.

A cushy cushy job working for the city.  Where it’s nearly impossible to be laid off as I have so many times in the past.  Though, the government did shut down this evening.  It sensed me coming!!  Just kidding.  To-tally kidding.

I have been associating stability with a lack of adventure.  To re-reference a quote from Orange is the New Black: “adventure is just hardship with an inflated sense of self”.

ad·ven·ture  (d-vnchr)

 

1.

a. An undertaking or enterprise of a hazardous nature.
b. An undertaking of a questionable nature, especially one involving intervention in another state’s affairs.
2. An unusual or exciting experience: an adventure in dining.
3. Participation in hazardous or exciting experiences: the love of adventure.

v.intr.

1. To take a risk; dare.
2. To proceed despite risks.

So stability does inherently contain a lack of adventure.  But I don’t want hazards, I don’t want peril, I don’t want jeopardy, and I don’t want endangerment.

What I want is the freedom to choose my experiences.  To take my time, discern, and go, “that one!”.  Know what’ll give me that freedom?  Thirty bucks an hour will give me that freedom.  PTO will give me that freedom.  It’s a creative job too; boppin’ around in the social media lands and writing press releases whilst learning about city planning, which I actually find to be awesome.  This could be my version of Parks and Rec.  I’m gonna get my Leslie Knope on.

I’ve been fighting against this type of position for so long though, telling people “that’s just not who I am”.  It feels a little embarrassing to want it now.  I still have my long-term goals, all things Halcyon.  But at this very moment right now, I want serious stability even more than I want to run a charity oriented cafe that specializes in yoga and craft beer.

I want to be able to envision what my life might look like in a year.  I want to be able to plan and commit.  I want people in my life to know that they can count on me.  I want to be generous.  I want to get all up in my community, without an escape plan in the back of my mind.

So that’s what’s up with me.  Hoping to work for the man.

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