I recently bought a deck of Tarot cards. I had always likened them to newspaper horoscopes; lots of general advice that could apply to anyone and therefore really doesn’t apply to anyone. Making friends with, and being read by, an Intuitive Reader made me rethink my opinion (with her awesome) so I picked up a pack.
To fill you in on the Tarot, it’s a pack of cards that have different meanings. The origin is debated, some saying they go back to ancient Egypt and others saying Italy in the 14th century, with many other guesses. Some play games with them, but my interest is in divination – using the cards for guidance in life.
I chose a pack that was a good deal and covered in gorgeous forest imagery, The Wildwood. I read the book that went with it, a detailed account of the specific pack’s origin and folklore. At the end it gives various ways to use the deck, then recommends that you do whatever you feel like doing. (I liked that.)
I draw a card whenever I have a situation on my mind, for the week, and for the day. At first I’d draw a card and think to myself that it was indeed pretty general and could apply to many days. Then it’d come up again. And again. And again. I’ve only drawn like ten cards out of the 78 card pack – it’s just not probable!
The Adder comes up at least 15% of the time. (Nuts!) This card frightened me at first because an adder is a super duper creepy snake. Didn’t seem like a good omen… However, the page on The Adder starts out like this:
Maturity, strength of resolve, energy, and wisdom. The genius and individuality of the seeker is enhanced and rewarded at every turn. Your leadership is unchallenged, your path direct, and your goals realized.
Fuck yeah! That’s some darn good stuff right there. It goes on to basically describe a person stepping into their power (espavo!), and advises on the tricky bits of this process. Bullying, self-righteousness, or shirking away from a position of leadership. Also lots of encouraging notes that feel personal to me; setting a distinctive/creative stamp on things, someone who needs to brand everything with their mark (Halcyon Musings, Halcyon Cafe, Halcyon WIT, Halcyon Art, Halcyon Events, etc.), seeking an opportunity or reachable goal, benevolence, being assertive and enthusiastic, and more great stuff like that.
There are questions at the end that ask; Where do you need to take charge? Where is your enthusiasm leading you? What helps bolster your self-esteem?
Nothing (to my knowledge) is happening with all of my Halcyon dreams, but there are indeed a few very exciting opportunities and changes coming up that are indeed ‘more reachable’. (Send good juju!) I’ve also noticed a change in myself, standing my ground where I used to shrink, stronger authenticity even at risk of conflict, and just feeling kinda hot in general. My book is going well, if it winds up being an average size book (who knows?), I’m a quarter done! Also the painting I’m working on is totally my new favorite.
The card that represents the dark night of the soul also keeps coming up, partnered with days that feel incredibly intense. These days feel like I’m being purged of old shit, with all kinds of random memories and old emotions coming up out of nowhere just to evaporate minutes later. Like I’m being sucker punched by my past and then magically healed. It’s real tiring. I thought I was done with all of that business, last dying sputters perhaps?
The third card that comes up ridiculously frequently is The World Tree, which marks the end of one journey and the beginning of another. Badass, huh?
So a year into Portland, and a year into this blog, I’m still ending the journey I thought I was stepping out of then. I have a thing with just wanting to jump to the easy part. ‘Tis not an option, one can’t move locations and have all of their issues cleared just like that. We have to walk up to them and be all like, “hey you, thanks for all you’ve taught me, but bugger off man”. (Then you post the experiences on the internet, if you’re a destined-to-be-constantly-vulnerable writer type like me.)
Thank you to everyone who’s supported me this year; by reading the words here, with material help, with an ear, a supportive word, or just by being delightful. It may have been the most intense year of my life, and you have been my rocks. Thank you.
Happy 4th, and don’t forget what you’re celebrating, and that’s the fact that a bunch of slave-owning, aristocratic, white males didn’t want to pay their taxes!
Love you long time.