I had to give up potatoes. The ice cream was bad enough. The beer was worse. But potatoes? Mashed, diced n’ fried, chipped, ooooh farewell my precious homefries. Le sigh.
They are in a category of veggies called “nightshades” with the beautiful and rich eggplant, crisp colorful peppers, and refreshing tomatoes. (I had JUST perfected my gluten-free vegan spaghetti!) I cut them out to see if it helped this health crisis I’m going through and to my disappointment and delight it almost immediately dissapeared an…explosive…tummy problem.
This sucks. I spent the last two weeks in too much pain to do anything. Literally anything. Sitting up for more than a few minutes would elicit excruciating back pain. Standing made me dizzy and nauseous, darkness crept into the sides of my vision multiple times when attempting to stand. Scary. I couldn’t lift my arms to scroll through my phone, or read a book. Nothing. At the same time construction was going on on my patio, so I had to shut my door and draw my shades, making my usually bright apartment dreary (and noisy). So dramatic. Oy.
It started a couple days after I wrapped up that job I adored so, it was a very nice goodbye. I felt appreciated and loved. And sad to go, and incredibly stressed about what’s next as I’d been having to call in sick so frequently. It was a very emotional ending. And stress seems to intensify the symptoms, ugh.
Shinola. And I believe in the attractive power of energy to create experiences. Not that I don’t believe in the physical stuff, obviously, or I’d go have me a beer and a potato; but I believe we create our experiences, in part, with our energy and thoughts. So there’s this guilt aspect. Which is ironic, because feeling guilty for being sick isn’t exactly positive juju…
I’ve gone through a lot, and I’ve been down on myself a lot. I’ve thought myself a victim. I’ve thought myself powerless. I’ve thought myself worthless. I’ve done shit-tons of self-work the last few years, documenting it here, and I feel worlds better now. However, the symptoms started in early 2009 (I just called it “the horrible mystery flu” up until a few months ago), a very hard time indeed.
The upshot of my beliefs is that it works the other way too. I believe we have the power to heal ourselves, that positive thinking has a physical component. If this is true… Well I started healing myself even before I started feeling so awful, so this pain should be adios shortly.
Healthcare is coming soon via Medicaid. Thanks Obama!
Please send love my way. This is really hard.