Acceptance, acceptance, acceptance. It is what it fucking is.

Well hello there…  It’s been a long one, dear blog, so sorry.  The last few months I’ve been working part-time for an awesome local start-up as well as getting pretty consistent writing and art gigs; since I still usually need to attempt to sleep for 12 hours a day, I’ve been busy.

I woke up at 5:30 this morning for some crazy reason, I had insomnia the other day so I’m probably just still wonky from that.  I generally lie in bed from around 9:30 to 9:30, which gets me enough rest (in total, there’s lots of sleeplessness) for a few hours in the morning that are pretty darn functional.  Soooooo, it’s 7 now, and I’m awake but not super functional––time to finally blog!

I am now on month 8 of severe B12 deficiency recovery, a serious little vitamin that is responsible for the health of the nervous system; which is now slowly regrowing, a process that takes 6-12 months.  Things are getting better, really effing slowly, but surely indeed.  It’s been an experience that is a consistent reminder of how important it is to release attachment to expectations, oooooooowie.  (2nd noble truth.)  I thought I’d be better by spring, and we’re flirting with fall here…

Acceptance, acceptance, acceptance.  It is what it fucking is.  Odds are that I will have a full recovery within the next four months; but, for now, I can’t reliably walk and many days I’m rendered useless with miserable symptoms.  It feels a lot like the flu, but with the addition of spastic legs.  It is what it is.  It could be a whole lot worse, fo sho.

I’m slowly (again, with the attachment and acceptance mantras) building an audience so my agent can pitch my book to publishers.  Yesterday I sent a draft of an essay about my B12 experience to an editor friend to look over, I’m hoping to pitch it to a dream pub this week.  My mother, who killed herself in 1997, likely suffered from the same illness I am; with her symptoms manifesting as bipolar disorder.  My intense personal story combined with the infuriating facts about B12 deficiency make for a pretty powerful piece––I have high hopes. (And, again, with the attachment and acceptance mantras.)

In other news, I’ve been able to play with the world from time to time!!  I’ve had several visitors and happy times out and about in Portland, I can’t leave the house without help–so that’s a BIG deal right now.  (I was a Tri-met loving non-driver and I live at the bottom of a 1/2 mile hill.) This winter I went almost 4 MONTHS without leaving the house for anything but the doctor and groceries, so getting out with friends 2-3 times a month has made a wonderful difference in this here lil’ world of mine.

Okay.  I’m not done sleeping, that’s becoming apparent.  I think I can do it now…

 

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