Let’s Try That Again

I made it through the storm. That was a very traumatizing period, I can’t even read that blog from two months ago yet, but things are much improved so I thought I’d better do a proper catch up! Sorry about that.

Before the stormy post, it was August of 2019 and I was awaiting a payment from Disability after several years of waiting and paperwork. I received it later that month and was elated to pay of debts from hard times, it felt SO GOOD. I only asked for a (very) partial payment due to the odds of approval, but it was enough to lighten my financial conscience as well as getting me into a place of my own, and right after I’d gotten another rate increase from my regular publisher, enabling me to pay the higher rent — hallefuckingueah!!!

In addition to moving to my beloved Long Beach, I got the car I’ve been quite-intentionally dreaming of since before I knew it existed: an adorable two-door hybrid, which I found in a 2012 CR-Z, named Zaria. I love her very much.

I spent the fall setting up my glorious home, which I freakin’ rocked, if I don’t say so myself. All through my homelessness experience I imagined a studio apartment that would suit all of my needs — and it worked out sooo well.

Including the furniture (except the desk/chair) it was less than $2,000; my sleeping space is far far from my work space, and I have plenty of room to do my Qi Gong, conditioning, stretching, etc., it’s calming where it needs to be, energizing where it needs to be, and just all-around restorative. I also love it very very much. (I’m now working on the patio too!)

While it was a dreamy fall and winter in regard to my dearest home, as well as work (minus a couple poor side-project choices); attempting to rejoin the world was significantly more challenging. After nearly a decade of focusing on my soul pursuits, personal growth, and shedding my people-pleasing ways; I thought making friends would be easy-peasy, especially since I was feeling so much better.

But it was not. As it turns out, I’m autistic. (Presently Level II but I hope it’ll decrease as my brain heals, I can’t imagine I was always “severe.”) It appears that my people-pleasing ways had developed as a coping mechanism (one of mannny) to mask my autism, so my personal growth journey was also my accidental unmasking — setting my authentic autistic self free.

However, misunderstandings are rampant in autie/neurotypical relations, as are social faux pas (4+ years of intense isolation probably helped 🤣), and other confusing things that I used to be able to fake semi-well, anyways. The upsetting and bewildering experiences were upped when the pandemic started, with my feeling like an ass on Zoom, too often (and other fun).

Luckily, those upsets did lead to getting my answers. I’m now working on integrating the diagnosis — one hell of a mindfuck, let me tell you — and am excited to have so many tools at my disposal to connect to a literally like-minded community (which looks like it includes a couple people I knew already, yay), and better operate my brain…which operates the rest of the body.

As far as health stuffs, it’s been two steps forward, one back. The Wim Hof Method (breathing exercises + cold showers) helped me damn near squash the fibromyalgia pain via ECS health — leaving extensive fatigue, one of many other autism clues — then this summer’s neurological disaster set me wayyy back.

But at least I know how to heal now!! (Send juju I get back there, if you don’t mind.) Cold showers never felt so good.

In addition to Wim’s method, I also do 40 minutes of transcendental meditation daily; my mantra was given to me in an Akashic records reading (the “database” or etheric field where every soul’s records are stored), so that was a really cool experience.

My spiritual practices have continued as well, of course. They’re so integrated I forget to write about them, much like the diet stuff — though I did get to go back to eating potatoes, scorrre — but my day starts with a prayer and tarot/oracle reading, is peppered with daily mindful moments, and ends with an energy cleanse.

That’s in addition to all that meditating! We autists have “special interests,” which is another way of saying obsession, and spirituality has been my primary since the year I started this here blog. (Seven years ago!)

I’m still anxious about maintaining with everything going on, but have some savings now, so can breaaaaatthhhhe. I’ve got my goals all outlined, and my brain’s letting me cross off more to-do’s everyday. (Including updating my book proposal — still at it!)

I hope 2020 hasn’t pulverized you too horribly, anyways, sending juju you have a great holiday season. ❤

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